Things

It's all coming together now. I realize more deeply in this moment what Bible means by "godly sorrow." I know it's true that God rejoices with us when we make good decisions, and sorrows when we choose incorrectly. But now, having felt a tiny tiny bit of what that feels like. To be let down and feeling snubbed, I know a little better how God himself feels when I sin. When I go against the light and knowledge I have, to any degree, I am effectively stabbing God in the back, and thinking about it that way brings me sorrow. Everytime I repent from now on, I'm going to think about that. Just as the golden rule says "do unto others as you would have others do unto you", it could be applied here as "do unto God as you would have others do unto you." And I know I wouldn't like to be disappointed by anybody.

In church, our stake president gave a fantastic talk that I liked a lot as well. He talked about the importance of keeping commandments, with a special emphasis in the ones we commit to keep in preparation for baptisms, namely the word of wisdom, law of chastity, tithing, etc. He made the analogy of our attitude towards obedience being related to god's attitude toward blessing us. As it is explained in Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21, there is a principle that any blessing we receive is based on obedience to the law upon which that blessing is attached. Sooo, if we say, "perhaps it's really not that important to keep this commandment. Maybe it's not that important if I only do a little bit of this." Well, he said, then to God maybe it's really not that important to bless us. If to me, keeping the word of wisdom isn't that important, than to God, perhaps, it's not that important to bless us with health and strength. That's the message we send him, anyway.

In any case, I'm feeling MUCH better this week. In district meeting, one of the Elder's from our zone said that we can't worry about the results so much, because everything will always be according to God's will, not ours. All we can do is the best we can. So I'm trying to take that advice to heart and it's helped me a lot. I feel calm and happy regardless of what happens. All I can do is give my best effort and if I do, I can "dormir tranquilo."

I am trying to prepare for the writing of "Stay Astonished!" By first changing myself. After all, it won't be any good if it's written by someone that doesn't practice what they preach. So I am indeed writing in my journal trying to always look for the good in the situation. Life is a journey, not a destination, so enjoy the ride!

I actually have asked, Presidente Martínez several times in my emails to him about his opinion on you coming, but he still has not told me anything. He has a lot of missionaries to worry about and sometimes he forgets things I think. Regardless, I highly doubt he has any problem with parents coming to pick up their missionaries, as many have done so, and I personally know an Elder who asked president and there was no problem. I'll keep trying to ask (although, like I said I'm sure it's fine), but if you want a definitive answer in the mean time, you can write the Asistents at bautizar@gmail.com and I'm sure they'd be happy to relay that info. Or you can write directly to president if you dare. He speaks some english.

Alright, I think that's it, and with that, I leave you until next friday. We have a mission activity next week so P-Day won't be until that day. I am very sure that Jesus is the Christ and that he is merciful with his children. I am positive that the Book of Mormon is true and that I am embarked in a great work, gathering Israel in preparation for the second coming. I am astonished!

With Love,
Elder Wilcox

Time Flies Like An Arrow

...fruit flies like a banana.

I can't believe I have 7 months left. That means only one more month until I start my 6 month diet and exercise plan to get back in shape for when I come home. I have, however, been doing really good about not drinking soda and eating bread ever (with the occasional exception of some Choripanes when the opportunity is presented me). But I'll have to up the anty by going out and running in the morning sometimes and buying less food at Líder. Alas, the clock tolls.

But despite how much time I have (is that even an english expression? I don't remember anymore), I still feel like a relatively new missionary. I don't feel any more skilled or special that anyone else and I feel like I still have very much to learn. Which I do, which is why it's such a shame that the mission is so short. 7 months left, I'm going to do the best with it as I know how.

This last week was a terrible disaster in a lot of ways. This transfer's been pretty wild, starting out with some of the best weeks of my entire mission, and lately, some of the worst. But that's life, and if I never knew the bitter, I wouldn't appreciate the sweet. I'll be honest, one day this week, I had perhaps my lowest low since the MTC (you may recall my struggles there during a few weeks), and was feeling very disillusioned and disappointed. It's frustrating to give everything you have so that people can change, come to Christ, and receive his restored Gospel, only to have them incorrectly use their agency to choose a lesser path. And even with the terrible dread and sadness it brings to my heart, I can only begin to imagine what God feels sometimes, when His children, whom he loves beyond all comprehension, continue to fool about on earth with worldly pleasures and harden their hearts against the inticings of the spirit. What unimaginable pacience and love must He have for us. And with that, I am comforted, and know that there is no pain and sorrow that I can feel, that Christ hasn't already felt a hundred times over. And because he felt it, and yet lives, I can give him my burden and know that it'll all be okay in the end, and I will yet live.

Being a missionary is the hardest, most emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically draining thing I have ever done. It's hard. When there are bad days, it's hard. And when there are good days, it's still hard. And yet, I wouldn't change it for the world. Ever since I began my mission, I honestly haven't thought once about turning back. My heart is filled with gratitude for the great challenge of being a disciple of Christ. And like the old addage goes, no one ever said it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.

And it is. So worth it. I believe that I am not the person I was when I left. And I will continue to change until the day I finish.

I know Christ lives. That He is our Savior. I know He has restored his gospel to the earth in these latter days. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, and it is filled with power. I know it is true. I have felt it. I cannot deny it. May God bless you all this week. You are in my prayers.

Much love,
Elder Wilcox

The Book is Blue, The Church is True

That's all I have to say. Yesterday we had a wonderful zone leader council with president and we focused a lot on the restoration and the Book of Mormon. It was a powerful experience to be able to renew our testimonies of this great truth. At the end of the meeting, President Martinez invited all of us, one by one to give a short testimony of the Book of Mormon, and it was one of the most powerful sacred experiences I have witnessed on the mission. I know without a doubt that this is the work of the Lord. That the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and that the Gospel is Restored. I want everyone to know the same thing, too! I love being a missionary. And I hope you all do.

Unfortunately, there's not much time to write. We have to prepare some stuff for a training meeting tomorrow and i took a lot of time to send the photos. Hope you enjoy them!

Have a great week!

Love,
Elder Wilcox