Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Time Flies Like An Arrow

...fruit flies like a banana.

I can't believe I have 7 months left. That means only one more month until I start my 6 month diet and exercise plan to get back in shape for when I come home. I have, however, been doing really good about not drinking soda and eating bread ever (with the occasional exception of some Choripanes when the opportunity is presented me). But I'll have to up the anty by going out and running in the morning sometimes and buying less food at Líder. Alas, the clock tolls.

But despite how much time I have (is that even an english expression? I don't remember anymore), I still feel like a relatively new missionary. I don't feel any more skilled or special that anyone else and I feel like I still have very much to learn. Which I do, which is why it's such a shame that the mission is so short. 7 months left, I'm going to do the best with it as I know how.

This last week was a terrible disaster in a lot of ways. This transfer's been pretty wild, starting out with some of the best weeks of my entire mission, and lately, some of the worst. But that's life, and if I never knew the bitter, I wouldn't appreciate the sweet. I'll be honest, one day this week, I had perhaps my lowest low since the MTC (you may recall my struggles there during a few weeks), and was feeling very disillusioned and disappointed. It's frustrating to give everything you have so that people can change, come to Christ, and receive his restored Gospel, only to have them incorrectly use their agency to choose a lesser path. And even with the terrible dread and sadness it brings to my heart, I can only begin to imagine what God feels sometimes, when His children, whom he loves beyond all comprehension, continue to fool about on earth with worldly pleasures and harden their hearts against the inticings of the spirit. What unimaginable pacience and love must He have for us. And with that, I am comforted, and know that there is no pain and sorrow that I can feel, that Christ hasn't already felt a hundred times over. And because he felt it, and yet lives, I can give him my burden and know that it'll all be okay in the end, and I will yet live.

Being a missionary is the hardest, most emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically draining thing I have ever done. It's hard. When there are bad days, it's hard. And when there are good days, it's still hard. And yet, I wouldn't change it for the world. Ever since I began my mission, I honestly haven't thought once about turning back. My heart is filled with gratitude for the great challenge of being a disciple of Christ. And like the old addage goes, no one ever said it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.

And it is. So worth it. I believe that I am not the person I was when I left. And I will continue to change until the day I finish.

I know Christ lives. That He is our Savior. I know He has restored his gospel to the earth in these latter days. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, and it is filled with power. I know it is true. I have felt it. I cannot deny it. May God bless you all this week. You are in my prayers.

Much love,
Elder Wilcox

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