It's all coming together now. I realize more deeply in this moment what Bible means by "godly sorrow." I know it's true that God rejoices with us when we make good decisions, and sorrows when we choose incorrectly. But now, having felt a tiny tiny bit of what that feels like. To be let down and feeling snubbed, I know a little better how God himself feels when I sin. When I go against the light and knowledge I have, to any degree, I am effectively stabbing God in the back, and thinking about it that way brings me sorrow. Everytime I repent from now on, I'm going to think about that. Just as the golden rule says "do unto others as you would have others do unto you", it could be applied here as "do unto God as you would have others do unto you." And I know I wouldn't like to be disappointed by anybody.
In church, our stake president gave a fantastic talk that I liked a lot as well. He talked about the importance of keeping commandments, with a special emphasis in the ones we commit to keep in preparation for baptisms, namely the word of wisdom, law of chastity, tithing, etc. He made the analogy of our attitude towards obedience being related to god's attitude toward blessing us. As it is explained in Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21, there is a principle that any blessing we receive is based on obedience to the law upon which that blessing is attached. Sooo, if we say, "perhaps it's really not that important to keep this commandment. Maybe it's not that important if I only do a little bit of this." Well, he said, then to God maybe it's really not that important to bless us. If to me, keeping the word of wisdom isn't that important, than to God, perhaps, it's not that important to bless us with health and strength. That's the message we send him, anyway.
In any case, I'm feeling MUCH better this week. In district meeting, one of the Elder's from our zone said that we can't worry about the results so much, because everything will always be according to God's will, not ours. All we can do is the best we can. So I'm trying to take that advice to heart and it's helped me a lot. I feel calm and happy regardless of what happens. All I can do is give my best effort and if I do, I can "dormir tranquilo."
I am trying to prepare for the writing of "Stay Astonished!" By first changing myself. After all, it won't be any good if it's written by someone that doesn't practice what they preach. So I am indeed writing in my journal trying to always look for the good in the situation. Life is a journey, not a destination, so enjoy the ride!
I actually have asked, Presidente Martínez several times in my emails to him about his opinion on you coming, but he still has not told me anything. He has a lot of missionaries to worry about and sometimes he forgets things I think. Regardless, I highly doubt he has any problem with parents coming to pick up their missionaries, as many have done so, and I personally know an Elder who asked president and there was no problem. I'll keep trying to ask (although, like I said I'm sure it's fine), but if you want a definitive answer in the mean time, you can write the Asistents at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'm sure they'd be happy to relay that info. Or you can write directly to president if you dare. He speaks some english.
Alright, I think that's it, and with that, I leave you until next friday. We have a mission activity next week so P-Day won't be until that day. I am very sure that Jesus is the Christ and that he is merciful with his children. I am positive that the Book of Mormon is true and that I am embarked in a great work, gathering Israel in preparation for the second coming. I am astonished!